20 march

maybe, father, you were right. the Universe shrinks to a single point and there is blackness and only Swallowing blackness and an answering point in my own body shrieks and surrenders in terror. maybe all that time i thought you were Wrong and you thought i was Mad, all that time i felt so holy and relieved that i had noticed my own desecration before it was too late, all that time i tried to re-educate myself, rearrange myself around what i thought was Good and Whole and Right, i was wrong. i was prepared to be a lunatic, but under no circumstances was i prepared to be wrong.

i think i am falling apart