30 June

Wouldn't it be easier to TRY ourselves numb for the conditional love that we are so greedy for, that ricochets between being bestowed and removed, if Unconditional love was a language that we weren't born to speak? That is my least favorite part of the world, is that I have only met one human who has actually lived out unconditional love, and that is my Mother, but of course she doesn't count because Mothers are expected to give out unconditional love; it's in the job description. But isn't that also true of humans? Isn't that what we're supposed to do: love each other like we love ourselves? Cause really, even if we don't like ourselves, we still can't help but love ourselves in that upbuilding, self-preservation kind of way. Kind of like Mothers do, they can't help it, even when they don't like us. Not even my cat loves me unconditionally, she still expects food and water and a clean litter pan. That is the worst feeling in the world: that you are completely in charge of your own fate, completely responsible for You; not only how you turn out and what you do, but even the people who I choose to conditionally love me are controlled by Almighty I. Good Lord. One of us is really screwed up, God, you or me. The worst part is, it's me.